Papered Over
This
is a cautionary commentary on the risks of not processing adverse
childhood
events as adults. When
young, we can
only repress or minimize adverse events.
We do not yet have the cognitive sophistication to process
them using
our abstract reasoning and adult perspective.
It takes work and commitment to do this.
Many people just leave this emotional baggage tucked away
and almost
forgotten about but there is still a lingering smell that comes through
the
wall. It effects
the lived experience of
the person. It
creeps through as
physical symptoms, as phobias, as sexual disfunctions and as impairment
of
capacity for trust and intimacy. When
one least expects it and usually at the worst moment, those unprocessed
feelings can burst through the wallpaper and grab you hard.
When
you see irrational anger in another person; when you see
“deer in the
headlights” paralysis and indecision; when you cannot
comprehend why a person
is behaving as they are, take a deep breath, summon your calm
compassion and
assume there’s a deep backstory there that has absolutely
nothing to do with
you or with this particular moment in time.