Papered Over

This is a cautionary commentary on the risks of not processing adverse childhood events as adults.  When young, we can only repress or minimize adverse events.  We do not yet have the cognitive sophistication to process them using our abstract reasoning and adult perspective.  It takes work and commitment to do this.  Many people just leave this emotional baggage tucked away and almost forgotten about but there is still a lingering smell that comes through the wall.  It effects the lived experience of the person.  It creeps through as physical symptoms, as phobias, as sexual disfunctions and as impairment of capacity for trust and intimacy.  When one least expects it and usually at the worst moment, those unprocessed feelings can burst through the wallpaper and grab you hard.  

When you see irrational anger in another person; when you see “deer in the headlights” paralysis and indecision; when you cannot comprehend why a person is behaving as they are, take a deep breath, summon your calm compassion and assume there’s a deep backstory there that has absolutely nothing to do with you or with this particular moment in time.